I naturally run dark.

 

I don’t write because I am brimming with sunshine. I write because I naturally run dark.

And those of us who run dark, who feel hard, who see everything; must work at that disposition in order to survive.

I write to remind myself that living with kindness as my lead changes everything, quite like magic. And if there is magic in this life, that is surely it.

I write to remind myself that the only way, the only way, to combat the losses of this life, is to love harder.

And by reminding myself. it seems to remind you too. And for that I am so grateful because I have found myself a place in this world that is born solely of the fact that for almost 5 decades I have been ‘too much’, ‘too sensitive’ and ‘difficult’.

So, if you are any of these things and you are trying to change. Perhaps you need to harness them instead of nail them shut in a box in your heart.

Perhaps these things are not that bad after all. But society convinced you they are, much like we are told we mustn’t age, or grow, or take up space.

Maybe these parts of you will save someone else one day.

Or maybe they already have… and you didn’t stop to see how amazing that truly is because we must keep running on that treadmill.

I don’t write because I am sunshine in human form.

I write to save the dark from taking over.

That war must always be managed - it’s never won,

but it’s never, EVER, lost either.

And that is enough.

Because whilst my bleeding heart has suffered along the way, it also feels such beauty. And feels it so deeply that the joy of it can feel like pain.

And I’ve learned to love that too. Just like I’ve learned to love myself for all the things they told me to change.

I hope you learn to love something ‘bad’ about yourself today. I think they can be your finest traits.

~ Donna Ashworth

Facebook: Donna Ashworth